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  • 與婚姻中的女同胞談談出軌與背叛

    推薦人:褦襶子 來源: 原創再發 時間: 2015-03-15 14:07 閱讀:
      衛視中播報了一個老掉牙的情節:“媳婦趕婆婆上養老院,并阻止孩子與奶奶打電話,扔掉婆婆唯一的‘念想’。最后,婆婆從養老院出走,欲投水自殺。那個始終對妻子妥協的男人,瘋狂地駕車尋找母親,在徨徨不知所蹤時,他想起了兒時走失后,母親找到自己時說的一句話‘以后走失了就在這等媽媽’,等他趕到那兒時,恰值母親欲抬腳投水自盡。一聲‘媽——’喚回了那顆絕望的心。這個男人接回了母親,他告訴妻子,母親必須住在家里,如果妻子接受不了,就必須離婚。母親只有一個,妻子可以再娶。”

      這個男人最后說的話,如果沒有前面的情節,看似很無情。可經歷了“生離死別”催生的這幾句話,恰恰是激活了一個軀殼中的人性。俗話說,愛屋及烏,當媳婦容不下丈夫的父母時,愛就已經不存在了。如果兩人仍能在一起,那只能是種“欲”的需求。此時任何形式的出軌,都已經不再是背叛。電視劇《戰旗》中的金戈與未婚妻柳文婷之間的感情誓言:“你之所愿我必赴湯蹈火以求之你所不愿我必赴湯蹈火以阻之”,雖然帶有些初戀的激情味道,可卻是婚姻雙方的畢生情感取向。

      夫妻雙方,做不到為對方承擔死亡之禍,不能說你們沒有愛過,只能說是愛的不夠深。可倘若真愛著,即便愛得不深,也至少應該想對方之所想,急對方之所急,愛對方之所愛,并體現在行動上。如果有一方做不到這些,并跌破底線,傷害對方至親父母,那另一方的任何行為都談不上背叛。如果說有,那也是率先跌破這種親情底線的一方先背叛。背叛絕不僅僅是肉體上,也絕不僅僅是見異思遷的移情或欲望的泛濫。婚姻絕不只是兩個人的事,至少還包括接受對方的至親父母。如果你拒絕了,即便仍在一起,“愛”也變成了“欲”,既然沒有了愛,何來背叛?

      絕大多數的婚外情,都有一個量的積累過程。心理學研究表明,見異思遷男女皆如此,是人的一種本性。從精神的角度說,婚姻初期男性見異思遷的機率要高于女人,可婚姻的時間延續的越長,女人見異思遷的機率就越比男人高。只不過多數女人也只是想想,只要自己的男人能夠始終守在身邊,任其發泄不滿,大多數女人是不會主動有什么肉體上的出軌行為的。可是大多數的男人則不然,身體隨著靈魂,往往付諸行動。

      正常男人沒有肉體上出軌行為的分三類,一類是沒有機會,不具備條件;第二類是有機會但安全系數不高,妻子尚能滿足其生理與心理上的基本需要。第三類極少,妻子能夠滿足其作為男人的生理與心理需要,令其感情忠貞。

      在此特別提醒女同胞們,丈夫的感情忠貞是作妻子的用情感與犧牲換來的。所以別羨慕別的姐妹們有個忠貞的丈夫,這世上從來就沒有感情單行線的夫妻。許多女人覺得自己把身子給了丈夫,就算是愛情了,分不清情和欲。那愛情豈不來得太容易得了,現在許多逼真的高科技性產品,能夠滿足男人的基本生理需要(由于中國大陸的成人性教育仍是個禁區,一些高檔性產品給男人滿足感往往高于絕大多數妻子給丈夫的生理滿足),可那不是愛情。因為“它”沒有靈魂,再逼真也只能是種感受,不是生命的互動,滿足不了心理需求。

      相當多的女同胞,一聽到要女人為男人做些什么,就囂張地叫囂“憑什么呀!”直至婚姻進入絕境,還在到處挖掘(前)丈夫的不是。性是人類的一個永恒的話題。成年男同胞在一起的性話題大多不談妻子,似乎那(妻)是私密,不能讓別人知道。可是女同胞在一起的性話題,卻大多談丈夫。姐妹們相互傳授馭夫之道。殊不知,最有效的馭夫之道,就是真情的付出與生活上無私的犧牲。如果那種凡世女人間盛行的馭夫之道要是有效的話,那得嫁個什么樣質量的男人才能成為現實!

      俗話說,女人不發賤,生理有缺陷。這里的“賤”不是下賤,而是指女性的性別行為。傳統的觀念是,上得廳堂,下得廚房。這其實只是種借代的修辭手法(用部分代整體),用上得廳堂代指男人的精神需要,用下得廚房代指男人的生理需要。可是許多女同胞把這種觀念理解得過于狹隘,還互相傳授著說要想栓住男人的腿,就得抓住男人的胃。喂胞了,就萬事大吉了?那是什么樣的男人?豈不成了豬。

      在我們的社會,泛黃不考慮未成年人,掃黃不考慮成年人。對于成年人來講,“黃”就象一日三餐。食色性也么!說穿了,我們社會的掃黃,受許多利益左右。沒有正規的成年人性教育,是中國社會成人教育的一個致命的缺陷。被我們誤解為性泛濫的歐美國家也掃黃。只不過人家掃黃是為了保護未成人,不包括成年人。成年人只要不違法,男女之間心甘情愿,法律是不干涉的。

      可是法律不能代替道德,道德也代替不了法律。文明程度較高的歐美國家,也并非象我們一些國人所誤解的那樣,男人人盡可妻,女人人盡可夫。如果你不忠于婚姻,從政會受到影響,就業會受到影響。會成為生活里許多方面的障礙。你不忠于自己的家庭工,怎么可能忠于自己的國家!不忠于自己的小家,怎么可能忠于群體(工作單位)。因此,有了婚外情丑聞,選民們是不會接受的。同理,一個有婚外情的人,法律雖然不干涉,可是用人單位會懷疑你的忠誠度,誰會愿意用一個不值得信任的人呢!除非你有他人無可替代的本事。

      西方人的觀念認為,婚姻是種契約。既然約定,你就得講信用。夫妻感情都上升到法制觀念的高度。不似我們中國人,婚姻是愛情的形式。愛情多大?多重?背叛與否往往取決于個人感受。不似西人的理念,具有可操作性。據國外回來的朋友講,歐美國家的電影院放電影都是分層次的,成人電影是絕對不允許未成年人看的。有些電視臺深夜還要放一些成人電視節目。這本是一種文明,卻被我們的國人看作一種生活糜爛的象征。這些回避不了的人性問題,人家都拿出具體措施長年制約。可是我們卻還在以運動式的掃黃處之。

      今天不談社會問題,提到這些就是要告訴女同胞們,夫妻之間不妨偶爾泛點“黃”,但一定要注意回避孩子。這是關系到未成年人身心健康的大問題。其實預防出軌,往往在于生活里的許多細節。比方說,走在路上,妻子挎上丈夫的胳膊;出門時替丈夫整理一下服飾(只是個過程,服飾正常也要上去擺弄一下)。晚上留心丈夫的腳步聲,在他還沒有敲門時把門打開(不必經常,卻要偶爾,但要透過門鏡看清楚,別把大灰狼放進來)……

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